Good Vibrations

Not much time, I am trying to catch up on some work, but I had to give an update about my little manifesting exercise from earlier this week.

For my computer, a friend said she would ask someone about fixing my broken one (which is what I wanted above getting a brand new one because of all the important files on it). So while I don't have a working desktop YET, as far as I am concerned, it's up and running already.

And for the living situation, where to go, etc. - something really interesting happened this morning. I realized I had a note from my ex landlord telling me he'd love to give me a recommendation next time I needed to rent a place. This came along with the check for my security deposit which was a nice, fat $1245.43!!!! Then on the drive into work this morning, as I chanted Om Gum Ganapatayei Namaha - to Ganesh, remover of obstacles - I had a completely new thought come into my head, that I should move to Collingswood NJ. My company has an office in the same area. Perhaps a transfer? If not, it is 15 minutes outside of Philly. A new job, perhaps? To top it off, I got further intuition telling me that even if it initially feels painful, to let go of the concept of my dog training business, and focus fully on my nonprofit organization. I feel so good and RIGHT about this and excited about having a new focus. Baby steps, baby steps, but every day moving forward.

Just one final thought to throw out to you all - I was listening to a snippet on YouTube from Esther Hicks channeling Abraham. I'm listening and going "mm hmm, ok, yeah, whatever", and then it hit me like a ton of bricks - I'll paraphrase:

We vibrate at the wrong level - we vibrate at the level of want instead of at the level of have. So that lower vibration keeps what we want away. And why do we WANT things to begin with? To make us feel good. How can we feel good? We can change our emotions - yes, changing them is in our power at ANY and ALL times. Change your emotions to feel better, to feel as if you already have that thing you think you want/need to make you feel better but don't have because you feel bad about NOT having it. Change your emotions to the higher level - of feeling good, happy, bountiful - because that is what you want most above all - to FEEL GOOD. Once you feel GOOD, like you already have what you want, what you want comes to you because you are vibrating at the level of already having it.

Amazing. I'm carrying that with me today and trying to maintain - no, maintaining - a higher vibrational level by exercising my RIGHT TO FEEL GOOD.

Practices in Manifesting

I'm currently reading a book called E-Squared, 9 Do It Yourself Energy Experiments that Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality. I have dibbled and dabbled in manifesting work, a la The Secret which initially blew my mind, then the excitement gradually fizzled away as my life started circling the drain and my pessimism grew and grew. Right now my optimism for life is at ZERO and I'm starting to believe the Universe has it out for me - except, I know for a fact that I am creating my own reality right now. I feel it in my soul that my mindset is my undoing. The problem is......I can't get unstuck.

I'm reading and reading and getting more frustrated and bored with every promise by some new age guru that I come across. And I can't get unstuck. My mind is running non stop anti-Mary propaganda day in and day out. It's like self sabotage at it's worse. I'm chasing people and things away, and it's like I'm doing everything in my power to welcome the worst. I'm sad and miserable and I hate my life and I am making sure to tell myself that multiple times a day.

It hurts. I'm hurting. And I don't know how to get out of it. So I'm trying an experiment. I'm asking - no TELLING - the Universe to prove that it's there listening, and to manifest what I am now asking.

The first is this - Universe, you have 48 hours to give me a working desktop computer. Thanks so much, I love my new computer.

Second, I need an answer to this question: Inner guidance, can Marc and I find a new place to live that we love very soon and can you help us find that place? Thanks! We are so happy in our new, beautiful home and it feels so right for us!

I will report back in 48 hours with the results which will be positive! I can't wait!

Dharma & Return to Wholeness

According to About Dharma.org, “Dharma” means “protection”. By practicing Buddha’s teachings we protect our self from suffering and problems. All the problems we experience during daily life originate in ignorance, and the method for eliminating ignorance is to practice Dharma.

That seems to say a lot and nothing specifically. But here's what I get out of the concept of Dharma. To align with your Dharma - your higher self on the perfect path - you must live your truth. Stop fighting against your soul and the flow of the Universe (which is always present and there to protect and serve if you let it) and to get into the Stream of Life (that's Life with a capital L, the true Life we are each meant to live and fully embody, not the life we often find ourselves stuck in that bogs us down, zaps our energy and makes us sick and miserable). You must live a life of Ahimsa (non-harm), to both yourself and all other beings, and bask daily in the glow of Buddha-the Universe-God.

A big part of Dharma is the teaching that we should put others above ourselves, to stop self serving nonsense and to embrace others as ourselves. For me, I view this concept as to consider yourself a part of the whole, to remember how we - all life - are connected; what we do to others we do to ourselves. So it's not so much about not caring for yourself and always putting others first - individually we are each part of the whole, that "whole" that we should love, care for, and protect. By loving, caring for, and treating with kindness all others (whether, human, animal or plant - the very Earth Herself) we are by default also treating ourselves in such a way.

I don't think I've been living my Dharma very well the past 10 years or so. I've treated both myself and others poorly. I've lost myself somewhere along the way and much of what and who I've cared about and loved so deeply. A dark cloud has descended on me and I've stepped out of the flow of the Universe and got stuck in the muck and mire of this self-created personal reality that I'm very unhappy with. Instead of seeing any beauty in the world, I see only darkness and sadness. My physical health has declined and my mental state is poor. I'm so very tired and sad. My life has been a series of one step forwards and 100 steps back. I am fractured, a million pieces broken apart and flying through space, disconnected and uninspired. So here I am, one last time, trying a new way.

This blog is going to be my chronicle of the next year in which I attempt to get back to living Dharma and manifest the life I truly want. Once and for all. So here I lay out all I want and intend to - WILL - manifest over the course of the next year.

A home with my husband and daughter where we are safe and comfortable and secure.

Physical health and fitness, and regain my pre-baby body - in fact a body that's better than ever.

A job I love that provides financial security.

A Pit Bull (AmStaff)

A yoga practice.

Financial wellness and paid-off bills and debts.

A strong spiritual practice and reconnection with God/Universe.

And so it begins. Starting right now, my life is changed.

Here's me, no makeup, hair still wet, first thing in the morning at the office. It was so difficult for me to even smile. But I wanted a snap shot of me to capture the moment I started over and begin to manifest a new life as I walk the dharma path.