I'm slowly easing back into a yoga practice, keeping it short and gentle for the time being and most importantly remember to breeeeeaaaaaaaathe.
What I must remind myself is that I am reinventing every day, and becoming a mother this past year and adjusting to that lifestyle change was a huge process of awakening to a new self all on it's own. But it has been trying and I've lost part of my old self in the process - the part that once was able to retreat, shut down, escape and be totally selfish - and that is scary. That feeling of not having an escape into my head anymore because I have a little person totally dependent on me and demanding my every waking moment's attention. The part of me that used to rebuild and restart by retreating hasn't gotten the much needed break in a very long time. So I feel shut off and dull, just going through the motions as I try to adjust to the New & Exciting World of Motherhood - mother, my new self and identity.
Here is where yoga comes in. When I first started practicing yoga about 15 years ago, I had been prompted by a very bad breakup that felt impossible to ever get over. I immersed myself in yoga and the transformative, healing power overtook me. I've practiced off and on ever since. Still, it has been a while since I've immersed myself in a daily practice, lived yoga, as opposed to just randomly doing poses here and there. There has been nothing so healing and forward-moving as a good yoga practice in my life and here is where I aim to start the forward momentum into a transformative, gratitude-filled future for myself and my daughter.
My two favorite yoga instructors are Shiva Rea, whose book Tending the Heart Fire was recently released and is currently on my Kindle reading list, and Rainbeau Mars. Check them out for some truly transforming yoga and life practices.